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Humour is a great feature of Ireland and the Irish people. We enjoy a good laugh or as we say "we enjoy the craic". Here a few Irish jokes or funny stories. If you have any and they are clean then why not send them to us and we'll add them here.
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Written by John
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Wednesday, 27 May 2009 08:31 |
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Here's one sent in by Claws. Two young lads, Sean,aged 8 and Patrick 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble as their. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that the priest in the next parish over had been successful in disciplining children so she asked if he would speak with her boys. Father agreed, but asked to see the lads individually. So the mother sent the Sean first, in the morning, with the older boy, Patrick to see Father in the afternoon. Now Father was a large, imposing man, with a huge voice, and he sat the younger boy down and asked him quietly at first,"Do you know where God is, Sean?" But the boy made no response, and just sat there wide-eyed with his mouth open.So the priest repeated the question in a sterner tone, : "Sean, where is God?" Again, Sean made no attempt to reply. Father raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face bellowing, "Answer me now, lad, where is God?" With that, Sean screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When Patrick found him in the closet, he asked, "Sean, what happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We're in BIG trouble this time, Pat! GOD is missing, and they think we did it!" |
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Written by John
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Wednesday, 06 May 2009 08:50 |
Culchie Paddy and his young son were in a shopping centre in Dublin for the very first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is at all, at all."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order coming back to the number that it started on. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son
"Go get your mother..." |
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Written by John
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Tuesday, 28 April 2009 10:09 |
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Paddy orders a pizza and the clerk asks him if she should cut it into 6 pices or 12 ? Make it 6 says Paddy I could never eat 12 pieces myself! |
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Written by John
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Tuesday, 28 April 2009 10:18 |
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Paddy is stopped going through customs at Dublin Airport and he is asked to identify a bottle in his luggage. "That's holy water I've brought back from Lourdes" says Paddy. The customs oficer opens the bottle, sniffs it and says "This smells like whiskey" , "Jaaaysus thats fantastic , another bloody miracle!" says Paddy. |
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Written by John
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Monday, 20 April 2009 08:32 |
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Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fainted when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in Church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass, what made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn comes to Church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of Church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without the hat than burn in Hell, right?" Murphy slowly shook his head and said, "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat." |
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Last Updated on Monday, 20 April 2009 08:37 |
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