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Written by John
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Tuesday, 07 April 2009 10:54 |
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one." |
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Last Updated on Tuesday, 07 April 2009 10:56 |
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Written by John
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Tuesday, 31 March 2009 08:52 |
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Paddy is stumbling along the road, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,”Are you ready to find Jesus?” Paddy answers, “Yes, I am.” So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, “Tell us Brother have you found
Jesus? The drunk replies, “No. No I haven’t found Jesus.” The preacher is shocked at the answer, so he quickly dunks him into the water again for a little longer. When he pulls him out of the river he asks him again, “Have you found Jesus yet my brother?” Paddy again answers, “No sir, I haven’t found Jesus.” By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher then again asks the drunk, “For the love of God have you found Jesus, my brother?” The drunken Paddy chokes and coughs and wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the Preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?” |
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Written by John
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Tuesday, 31 March 2009 08:55 |
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A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in dire financial straits. She’s desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… ‘God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’ Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins. She again prays… ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.’ Lottery night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays… ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house and my car. I don’t often ask You for help and I’ve always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.’ Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself…. ‘Sweetheart, work with Me on this one …. Buy a ticket!’ |
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Written by John
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Monday, 30 March 2009 15:14 |
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Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi Beach couldn’t seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. Mate, it’s obvious,’ says the lifeguard, ‘you’re wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer, they’re years outta style.
You ‘re best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized
potato down inside ‘em.
I’m tellin’ ya mate…you’ll have all the babes ya want!’ The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.
Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, ‘What’s wrong now?’ JAHEESUS!’ said the lifeguard, ‘Maaaaate. The potato goes in the front!’ |
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Last Updated on Monday, 30 March 2009 17:03 |
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Jokes
