Here is one from Cacksy..

Gallagher met Murphy one Monday morning and noticed Murphy had a black eye.
"What happened to you"said Gallagher.
"You'll never believe it, I was at mass yesterday and was sat behind a plump lady, when we rose to sing I noticed her dress was caught up in the cheeks of her behind, I reached over and pulled it out and she turned around and thumped me" Murphy replied.

The following Monday the two men met again this time Murphy's other eye was black as well.
"What have you been up to now?" asked Gallagher.

Murphy replied.
"You'll not believe it, I was at mass yesterday,sat behind the same plump lady,we rose to sing, I noticed her dress again caught up between her cheeks, my little nephew was with me and he reached over and pulled the dress out, I knew she wouldn't like that so I reached over and pushed it in again and she turned around and thumped me for nothing"