I particularly like the Oisin and the Land of Youth legend. It tells of Oisin being taken to a land with a beautiful bride where he can basically have everything he wants and where life is “good” and eternally young. Oisin can have and do whatever he wants. Unfortunately though Oisin misses the ups and downs of normal life and requests that he may return to Erinn to talk with his friends and family for a short while. His wish is granted and he returns to Erinn on a magical white horse but he is told not to dismount the horse or he shall never be able to return to the Land of Youth. When he returns his father and family are long dead and he sees how weak and poor they people are. He dismounts his horse to help them move a rock and suddenly becomes a wizzened old man.

He learns that hundreds of years have passed and he is taken to meet St Patrick. St. Patrick decrees that Oisin’s tales of this land be written down for future record.
So be careful what you wish for !

The auditor says, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Paddy. “How about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay. You’re on!”

Paddy says, “I’ll bet you a thousand euro that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thinks a moment and says, “No way! It’s a bet.”
Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor’s jaw drops.

Paddy says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand euro that I can bite my other eye.”

The auditor can tell Paddy isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand euro, with Paddy’s solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

“Would you like to go double or nothing?” Paddy asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand euro that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains for all his worth , he can’t make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Paddy’s solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.

“Not really,” says the solicitor. “This morning, when Paddy told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20,000 that he could come in here and pee all over your desk - and that you’d be happy about it.”

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_________ _____________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________ ________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTOR NEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know; about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding’ me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
___________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________ ____________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many o f your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the t ime that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: &nbs p; No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
_______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you chec k for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

My older brother recently tried to do some research on our ancestors. He got as far back as the 1901 census. So now I know that my Great , Great Grandfather lived in Cavan , was a farmer , was 16 years older than his wife and couldn’t read or write. Luckily enough no scandals were found !! One interesting thing was that they spelled their name McKeone, some of our cousins spell it McKeon and our immediate family spell it McKeown.

For more information on tracing your roots in Ireland click here

Watch the video and enjoy listening to the great accents!

I have put together a collection of 11 images of Ireland from this blog for you to download as a screensaver. It is called September , I hope you like it.
Follow the link and for Free Irish Screensavers and pick from the collection. I will be adding more on a monthly basis for you to enjoy.

Have a great weekend!

I walked for about an hour and on my return the sun was setting. The colours of the setting sun are hard to capture but this is my best attempt

Follow the link below and view a series of images of Sunsets on Youtube
Let it Shine Video